It’s February, which means “love” is back on the mind for many of our students. Valentine’s Day comes with all the questions: Did they get the date this year? Did they do the asking? What does it all mean? As student pastors, we want to help students think about dating, relationships and love in a way that’s shaped by Scripture. But let’s be honest, there’s no “Dating 101” book of the Bible. There isn’t a neat, step-by-step guide that tells us exactly how to navigate modern teenage relationships in 2026. So how do we help students develop a strong biblical ethic when it comes to dating?
This month’s blog offers a perspective that we don’t always hear often enough. It’s from a young adult who grew up in student ministry. Trent Wineberg, a current Huntingdon College student who is now navigating young adulthood, reflects on what was genuinely helpful as he walked through relationships and what he wishes he had learned earlier.
Our goal isn’t to hand you a simple “how-to” manual for teaching on dating. Instead, we want to offer insight into what young adults actually need from our ministries – what sticks, what shapes them and what prepares them for relationships beyond high school. So let’s hear from Trent’s perspective:
If I could go back and talk to my high school self about relationships, I wouldn’t start with rules; I’d start with clarity. Back then, love felt urgent, relationships felt like identity, attention felt like validation and everyone around me seemed to be figuring it out faster than I was. What I didn’t understand at the time was that confusion wasn’t freedom, it was noise.
I wish I had known that guarding my heart, as Proverbs 4:23 says, wasn’t about being restrictive; it was about being wise. One of the best things explained to me was that my heart is valuable, and not everyone deserves access to it.
In high school, it’s easy to think relationships define you. Whether you’re dating, talking to someone or feeling left out, it can start to feel like your worth is tied to who wants to date you. I wish I had understood that my identity was already secure in Christ long before anyone else noticed me.
I also wish I had understood God’s design for sexuality differently. In high school, boundaries felt arbitrary. They felt like a list of “don’ts” with no explanation. But now I see them more like guardrails on a mountain road. They aren’t there to block the view. They’re there to keep you from driving off a cliff. Without those rails, you may feel free, but you’re actually headed for a crash. God’s boundaries for sexuality and relationships aren’t meant to trap us but to keep us on track. God’s design for sex within marriage isn’t about control; it’s about protection. It protects your heart, your body, your future and your ability to give yourself fully to one person without comparison or regret. I’ve seen friends rush into physical relationships thinking it would secure love, only to feel more insecure afterward.
Physical closeness without covenant commitment creates confusion, not clarity. High school culture often treats sexuality like self-expression and relationships like status symbols. But Scripture describes marriage as a covenant, a contract. It’s something sacred, not casual. Hebrews 13:4 calls us to honor marriage. That honor doesn’t start on your wedding day. It starts now in how you think, date and carry yourself.
A great truth I was always reminded of was that marriage is not about finding someone to complete you. You are not half of a person waiting to be finished. In Christ, you are already whole. Marriage is not about filling emptiness; it’s about building something together that reflects Christ’s love for the church as Ephesians 5 describes. I used to think the goal was to find someone as quickly as possible. Now, I realize the goal is to walk toward God as fully as possible. Picture two people pursuing Christ first. If their paths meet along the way, it’s because they’re headed toward the same Savior, not because they were chasing each other out of fear of being alone.
One of the most helpful things I’ve learned is that singleness is not a punishment or a waiting room. It’s preparation. The apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7 that singleness allows you to focus on the Lord without divided attention. I used to think being single meant something was wrong with me. Now, I see it as a gift and a time to grow, mature and become stable before inviting someone else into my life.
As student pastors, constantly remind students that obedience is not oppression. God’s “no” is not cruelty; it’s care. Every boundary He sets flows from love, not limitation. There will be pressure, temptation and moments when doing what is right feels lonely. But long-term peace is always better than short-term approval.
Most importantly, I wish I had known that my relationship status was never the main story. Jesus is. Earthly marriage is a reflection of something bigger – Christ, the Bridegroom, and the church as His bride. Whether you marry someday or remain single, your deepest identity is already secure. If I could go back to high school, I wouldn’t tell myself to focus on dating; I would tell myself to guard my heart, pursue holiness, grow in maturity and trust God’s timing. And I would remind myself that my future is built by faithfulness now.
Along with Trent, we also asked several other young adults what advice they would give current student pastors when it comes to teaching on relationships. The overwhelming theme was clarity about purpose. Give students the goal of dating – marriage. Caleb Hagemore put it this way: “Dating isn’t something you should do just to do. The end result should be to date to marry.” While most high school students aren’t actively planning their weddings, we still serve them well by helping them understand that the trajectory of dating is covenant not casualness. If we don’t define the purpose, culture will. Sara Beth Holly shared that one of the most helpful practices for her was making a
list of non-negotiables for a future spouse. What qualities must be present in the person you may one day spend the rest of your life with? Encouraging students to think through character, faith and values early on helps anchor their decisions for marriage later.
Another major theme the young adults emphasized was the importance of talking openly about dating, relationships and sex even when the conversations feel uncomfortable or awkward. Isaiah Shupe put it this way: “I think the ‘don’t talk about it’ approach can cause young people to try to find out how dating is supposed to work from the wrong sources.” Ella Steward shared that her church never really addressed relationships at all. And Colton Bates reflected that his church “could’ve talked more about the hard things like sex because they were unclear with stuff like that and didn’t really tell us the truth about how dangerous it can be.” Their message is clear: Silence doesn’t protect students, clarity does.
We all see what’s happening in our culture. The patterns are clear. Casual commitment, disposable relationships and self-centered love are shaping the next generation long before they ever stand at an altar. Many of today’s dating patterns train people more for instability than for lifelong faithfulness. If we don’t disciple them intentionally, the culture already is. As student pastors, we are not powerless observers; we are shepherds, disciplers and culture-shapers. We have the privilege and the responsibility to step in early and speak clearly. Not just with cautions and boundaries but with vision. Not just with “don’t,” but with a bold, beautiful, biblical “this is what love is for.”
Let’s raise the bar. Let’s cast a vision of covenant over convenience, faithfulness over feelings and Christ-centered love over cultural trends. Our students don’t just need relationship advice. They need a bigger picture of marriage, commitment and lifelong faithfulness rooted in the Gospel. And we get to give it to them.
